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Can you believe the final “Unsullied Recap of Epic Proportions” is here??
A man is weary from doing his best impression of a drunk twenty year-old at a music festival, hence the lateness of this recap. My apologies, kind ladies and sers. But a man has survived and is here now to melt your dreams, steal one of you kingdoms, and make you cry. And this is why I don’t get invited to parties…
Let’s jump right in and discuss as we go. A man has thoughts as I’m sure you do, so let us quickly discuss the outcomes as I’m sure it will be analyzed and over-analyzed and reanalyzed after this for years to come.
We open up with Tyrion and the crew surveying the damage in the wake of Drogon’s incredibly hot acid reflux (think burritos with ghost peppers hidden inside). Needless to say, it ain’t pretty… dead women and children; buildings turned to ash; all the Harrenhal damage shit we witnessed in Season 2, but in the capital and thousands more deceased.
Tyrion heads off alone to look for his fallen family (possibly searching for Cersei’s wig, but more likely Jaime’s hand). OK… that was uncalled for. Moving on, when he does finally find them, Tyrion’s heartache is gut-wrenching and Dinklage probably earns another Emmy nod in the process.
And the carnage isn’t over. It seems the only humane thing to do now is to kill more people. Jon walks up on the temperamental Worm about to execute more Lannister soldiers and voices his displeasure. But Worm DGAF.
At that point, I was about ready for the Worm to get hooked. Up until the last episode, I really liked his character. And yes, I recognize that he lost the love of his life to a tyrant. But still, killing doesn’t necessarily justify killing.
Where the hell did all of these soldiers come from?? Damn.
Dany arrives on Drogon while Jon watches and Arya the Assassin lurks in the Unsullied’s shadows. Would she take out the Night King AND the Dragon Queen?
Dany cheers on her thousands of soldiers and exclaims that they won’t be stopping with Westeros, but will go on to liberate the world. The image of Dany with dragon wings post-dismount was phenomenal.
After finding his dead brother and sister and upon hearing Dany’s plans for the rest of humanity, Tyrion tosses the Hand pin and admits to freeing his brother. And once again, he is off to the dungeon.
Jon doesn’t seem too keen on the idea of world domination either but is caught off-guard when Arya shows up. Arya explains that she was there to kill Cersei and reminds him that Dany will always see him as a threat.
Tyrion gets a visit from Jon in his dungeon-room-area and tries to convince Jon that Dany won’t change and that Varys was right all along. He tells Jon about all of the other executions in the past (khals, slavers, etc). At first, Jon isn’t quite buying it (lover denial I suppose). But slowly, the things that Tyrion says to him make sense and as torn as he is, he knows something must be done to avoid further disasters.
Finally, Dany enters what is left of the throne room and touches it as the ashes fall. Shout out again to Djawadi.. that was some beautiful haunting music as Dany approached. What an incredible journey it has been. Jon enters as she stands seemingly in awe of everything she has accomplished.
Jon embraces Dany as she continues to say the wrong things and confirming what Tyrion had told him earlier. They exchange “I Love You”s and passionately kiss and GOD this is CHEESY. The love music plays in the background. Is this Days of Our Knives? Guiding Flight? As the Westeros Turns? The Young and the Headless?
And then, the cheese gets cut. But who cut the cheese?
Jon did. And Dany was done.
I never once believed that Drogon was going to burn Jon’s cheese. After all, he had just let Jon enter and knows he is one of them. However, it was climactic nonetheless as the fire comes incredibly close to Jon but was destined for the throne itself. After all the death and destruction and chaos the throne had caused throughout history, it was time for it to be melted down.
Following the grilled cheese throne, Drogon scoops up Dany and flies away. Could Jon have just gotten away with not telling anyone he did it? Just run, dude. Go! Zig-zag dammit! But he couldn’t… because he is Jon. I don’t know why the Unsullied didn’t just kill him as soon as they found out, but they didn’t.
Regardless, what a great freaking scene.
Meeting of the Mind(less)
A few weeks later (verified by Tyrion), a meeting at the Dragon Pit takes place with all the remaining heavy hitters… Edmure (he IS alive!), Robin, Sam, Brienne, Yara, Gendry, Yohn Royce, Arya, Bran, Sansa, a rando from Dorne, and a few randos from elsewhere discussing the fate of Tyrion and what the hell to do next.
Why they gotta pick on Edmure? Poor Tobias has been brought in to be made fun of for years. After Sam suggests democracy (oh God, LOL hahaha… we know how well that turns out) Tyrion states the obvious… that the seven kingdoms need a king and recommends someone new: Bran the Broken.
Bran wasn’t surprised at all yet surprisingly accepts it with no reservations, other than he wants Tyrion as his hand.
Everyone is on board, right? Right. Everyone except his own damn sister. WHA???
No, because Sansa wants the North to be independent. Or is it because she wants to be a queen? How do you do that when your brother just got chosen to be King of the Seven Kingdoms? The only holdout is the place the new King himself is from? What if this choice had led to the rest of the Kingdoms saying, “well, if you don’t trust your own blood to rule, then why should we?”
If they had given the throne to Yara or Gendry or someone not related to her, I would be a lot more accepting of this. But they gave it to a Stark!
So… six kingdoms. Whatever. The good news is that the nobles will now select a new king instead of it coming by inheritance. That is called progress.
In the only option short of execution that wouldn’t start another war, Bran sends Jon back to the Wall which is where he wanted to be in the first place before all this shit storm started. You’ve got to think Bran had this planned knowing that Jon would likely be the happiest in the North anyway. Thanks, Brotha!
On his way to tell his family goodbye, the Volatile Worm gives Jon a final “eat shit” look and I’m praying for one last duel before the show ends. But nope… off to Naath for the Worm. For what reason, I have no idea.
Jon bids farewell to his family letting Sansa know that he doesn’t hold anything against her. Arya tells Jon that she is off to see the world! Bon voyage, MF’s! And Jon apologizes to Bran to which Bran replies, “you were exactly where you were supposed to be.”
Brienne is shown flipping through the Book of Brothers to fill up Jaime’s empty pages and remembering him for all the good that he did, ending it with, “Died protecting his Queen.”
The most current version of the small council meet for brothel talk and an armada rebuild, without the threat of war for once. Go to your nearest city council meeting and it was very similar to what you will hear there: “We need to work on infrastructure.” “Yes, and also adult gift stores.” “What? We don’t need those. Roads are more important.” “Yes… roads to get to the adult gift stores. Liquor stores as well. If you don’t build those, what’s the use of roads?”
Ozzette didn’t really think it fit into the episode. I kind of found it amusing.
Jon gets back to the Wall and finds Big Red waiting on him with Ghost! You better pet that good boy.
Arya sails off with a bad-ass wolf carved in the front of her boat. I’d like to formally petition for a spin-off entitled, Into the Starkness: The Adventures of Arya Stark and Whatever’s West of Westeros
And finally, Sansa is crowned Queen in the North. Long may she reign. I sincerely hope it makes her happy. But I still don’t fully get it.
Jon ventures beyond the Wall with his free folk (in what looked like a callback to the first episode) and seems at ease. In the end, at least for him, I guess that’s all we could have asked for. The rest of it? I guess that’s up for you as an individual to decide. Even though I haven’t looked, I’m sure the opinions are all over the board. But that’s what you get when so many are emotionally invested in something. And if you as a show runner or a writer or an author can accomplish that, that’s called success.
“And…. End Scene.”
Episode 806 Personal Awards
Favorite Action Sequence: Burning Down the Throne (Talking Heads version)
“I freed my brother. And you slaughtered a city.” -Tyrion
“You’ll always be a threat to her. And I know a killer when I see one.” -Arya
“Love is the death of duty.” Jon quoting Aemon
“Sometimes duty is the death of love.” -Tyrion
“You have to choose now.” -Tyrion
“We can’t hide behind small mercies.” -Dany
“They don’t get to choose.” -Dany
“There’s nothing more powerful in the world than a good story.” -Tyrion
“Ask me again in ten years.” -Tyrion speaking during the show but secretly referring to the sequel that HBO will greenlight in nine years.
The “Ow, That Shit Hurts Award” goes to: Dany’s stabbing, and probably her heartbreak.
Overall Thoughts: This season has been a little like going to an inconsistent restaurant that you really enjoy. Sometimes the food is phenomenal. Sometimes it’s still good but not AS good as the last time you came. If you found out that the restaurant was closing, you would want to go one more time and hope that the food was going to be just as good as the best meal you ever had there. However, it’s an unrealistic expectation. Otherwise, they probably wouldn’t be closing.
In this case, the Game of Thrones Cafe is closing for unspecified reasons although we can safely assume that proprietors were tired of the headache and the hired help were getting expensive. To expect that I was going to get the best meal ever served on the final evening when the chefs rushed the process of the recipe just because they were ready to go open another restaurant was setting myself up for a letdown. So I didn’t. I took what was served and I enjoyed it for what it was.
That said, I loved most of it, even if the meat was slightly undercooked. The season just needed more time to marinate. We all knew Sansa wanted to be Queen. But her decision after Bran was chosen just threw me for a loop. This is nitpicky. You most likely have an issue with something else. My appetizer was good. Yours was cold. My chicken was dry. Yours was juicy. We’re not going to all see it the same way. We’re not going to have the same experience even if we order the same dish. Everyone’s tastes are their own, and neither is right or wrong. They’re just yours.
Discussing those differences is what makes the world an interesting place and this episode and the season and the series will promote compelling conversation for years to come. Don’t go away. This show is over. But Watchers is just getting started.
A man’s Fandom Road will be up later this week, so tune in and see how this joint got started! Thank you all, sincerely, for coming here and supporting and being a part of this community. I love you all for it.
Please bookmark us and visit often, and may there always be peace in your realm. –Oz
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