Editorial/Humor/Recap

Tweeting @ Winterfell – Part 1

Posted on by Axechucker

Varys Tyrion Lannister Davos Seaworth Season 8 801

Here we go, nerds!

Twitter post time! The year-and-a-half wait is over! You know the drill. Let’s go.

(If you don’t know the drill, let’s go anyway! You’ll catch up! I have faith in you.)

For the non-indoctrinated, this is what we do:

I, your friendly neighborhood @Axechucker, grab as many GoT-related Tweets as humanly possible. I then log onto Watchers On The Wall, and put them in the (vague) order that coincides with the episode’s timeline. Occasionally I comment. When needed. Occasionally I ban people. Also when needed. These bans (#BANNED) usually last anywhere from 3 to 54 seconds, so people fear crossing me. I’m that important.

In years past, we used Storify in order to produce massive, miles-long works of Twitter performance art. These creations were beautiful. I wept. Now we just have this, alas: Posts as large as the usual room allotted for them. Seems tough, but we’ll make do. I’ll just have to be c–

I’ll have to be c–

C–

–oncise. (I know. Tough for me to say. Tough for you to read! But we’re all making sacrifices here!) Gone are the days I can post 12 tweets in a row of Taryn or Shelly just screaming. Sorry, kids! Be great or GTFO!

(That said, yes, there will be a Part 1 and a Part 2. Because that’s how I roll here.)

Let’s see how this went, shall we?

As the day dawned bright and blue, people were buzzing about a variety of GoT-related topics:

R.I.P. Zunni. Good dog. (The ol’ girl outlived Lady by like x10.)

Of course the episode leaked early. Thanks to those rebel rascals at….. DirectTV?

O.o

This random ass ASoIaF meme came the fuck out of nowhere and won Meme Week:

“Oh, I don’t even own a TV…” Hipster Edgelords gonna edgelord in hip ways!

I approve of both of these.

DON’T LET US DOWN, D&D!

(And…. everyone else…!)

As usual, various wonderful peoples got ready for the premiere in various wonderful ways.

Pics or it didn’t happen, Dan!

The night is dark and full of lemoncakes.

Bex preps like a champ.

Predictions, hopes, dreams?

Sounds about right.

…A lot of Sandor hopes. And screaming. Well, let’s go see what this day brings!

Poor pup. Relegated to [SPOILER] Elephantville.

Look, boss, I respect the hell out of you. But there’s no way a man can love everyone. We just don’t have that kinda staying power. (Right? Guys?? NO???) The Lover Of All People has to be a woman.

Thanks, Liam. I do dig it!

“Previously, on Game of Thrones…”

WE GOT A NEW OPENING, FAM!

I mean, what else is there?

Indeed! We open on a young lad in Winter Town…

Eventually. Count on it! Valar Moghulis.

Arya, along with all of Winter Town, watch the Unsullied arrive…

Belfast-local problems.

Yes, well done.

Dany and Jon arrived too!

A certain Mr. Clegane arrives.

Um.

…Yeah… about that.

Tyrion and Varys share a carriage ride…

Dunno, but… See below:

Not a lot of people were amused by Tyrion going baseline. But everyone soon forgot about that, because…..

“Negative, Ghost Rider, the pattern is full.”

One quick Draconic Transition to Winterfell later…

Bran and Jon reunite! It’s… happy … ish?

Robobran back online.

Yep. I see it! A nice tip o’ the hat. I miss Donald Sumpter.

“Winterfell is yours, Your Grace.”

Bran “The NO FUN Police” Stark strikes again.

Inside, young Ned Umber is given supplies and may now return to Last Hearth.

(This should go well.)

As usual, Lyanna Mormont spittin’ her truths…

And then everyone else tries to have their say. It’s kind of a mess.

lol troof

No doubt.

So Tyrion and Sansa have a nice little reunio–

>.>

I giggled.

Bran and Tyrion exchange a look… and I have no idea what it meant.

(Other than… maybe… Tyrion’s probably in trouble for something he hasn’t even done yet.)

Anyways, Jon and Arya reunite! THAT got some reaction! TWITTER SPIKE!

She’s damn good, our Mais.

BACK IN KING’S LANDI–

Today is going to go poorly for our sweet summer bernthal.

Anywho. Qyburn and Cersei chat on the King’s Landing parapets…

Well not if she doesn’t WANT it to!

(P.S. If I don’t see some version of Cersei’s wonderful gold shoulder pauldrons at some point next season on Drag Race, I will be sorely disappointed.)

But never mind that gold. THE GOLDEN COMPANY HAS ARRIVED.

LOL. Down in the ship’s hold, Euron has a wee chat with Yara…

I think I read that one!

Right?? I was fearing a lost tongue…

Euron goes to Cersei…

We’re introduced to Captain Harry Strickland… and Cersei’s lust of elephants.

Yes, as I said. Harry Strickland. Blame George.

True story: I was typing, “Euron’s never gonna get it,” and plotting an En Vogue “Never Gonna Get It” GIF, when I suddenly realized, to my horror…

Euron gonna get it.

We catch up with Bronn, back at his favorite locale…

Foursome.

Good to see Marei back on top, literally, as K.L.’s luckiest surviving courtesan.

lol nope.

King Bronn, First of His Name. I can kinda see it.

So Qyburn busts right the fuck in…

“Poor girl, the pox will take her within the year.”

“…Which girl?”

I too was amused by how bored everyone looked.

One thing I’ll say about GoT sex(?) scenes: They never seem designed to titillate. They’re either absurd (Pod @ brothel), touching (Jon & Ygritte), or … uh … unintentionally comedic yet… weirdly informative (Baelish’s sexposition). There’s never been one where I went, Wow, the writing/directing is really aiming to turn us on. Never a slow burn, nothing like that.

I’ve seen hotter WINGER videos.

Weird? Maybe! But it wasn’t just this scene where I went, “Wow, they kinda captured how everyday and dull it can sometimes be.”

I kinda hope it’s on purpose!

So Cersei and Euron…

She really wanted those elephants!

Nothing is worse, writing wise, than the Bad Pussy line. It’s become a meme for bad writing that pops up in fandoms for other shows.

Yup. Cersei is smarter than… well, most of us.

END PART ONE. PART TWO COMIN’ LATER TODAY. THERE WAS JUST TOO MUCH CONTENT FOR WORDPRESS TO HANDLE!

(This may be the theme of the entire season. Especially with the length of these episodes.)

SEEYA IN A FEW HOURS….

, , ,
Axechucker
Axey writes.

8 Comments

  2. Snow #forthethrone
    Don’t really know the hashtag I’ve seen everywhere, but seems like I should be lobbying for someone on the throne.

  4. #NoIronThrone2019

    Thanks for the roundup Axey!!

    Hahaha someone brought back the Winterbros! And Yaaass Liam comin’ thru with The Warrior’s GIF!! Vanessa’s artwork and lemons cakes look amazing!!

    That poor lidless man is Eddie the Ginger, aka Ed Sheeran, I know others caught that reference too 😂

  5. Thank you Axey for being the FIRST DAMN PERSON ON THE INTERNET to highlight: “Winterfell is yours, Your Grace”. Eeeeeeee!

    And for bringing the @mW_ tweet about Sansa seeing flatterers.

    Because I saw that little overture from Dany and FOR FUCK’S SAKE it’s like “the beauty of Quarth” – “no, Qarth” – all over again. Except far worse. Because there is probably nobody on the entire continent of Westeros less likely to respond well to “You’re very beautiful in a highborn sort of key-to-power-in-the-North way that I can make good use of” than Sansa. Sometimes I think Dany doesn’t give a fuck about people she isn’t either burning or saving via burning.

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