Editorial/Humor/Recap

To Tweet @ the Seven Kingdoms – Part 2

Posted on by Axechucker

Arya Gendry Season 8 802 (2)

Cont’d, nerds.

We ain’t got no time for flutterin’ around! No necking! No twitterpatin’ here. We busy tweeting the second half of A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms!

Let’s goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo….!!!

We re-enter our tale as Tyrion and Jaime enter a side room…

Alas, no whores. “The perils of self-betterment.”

Brienne and Pod enter. A HALF CUP INDEED!

As if it weren’t crowded enough, Davos and Tormund enter…

“They call you king killer.”

I mean, Tormund gonna Tormund.

Davos: “Maybe I will have that drink.”

Let’s catch up with…. SANDOR and—

No, no. It’s Sandor and Arya.

“You never used to shut up, now you’re just sitting here like a mute…”

“When was the last time you fought for anyone but yourself?”

I felt that one to my core, y’all.

Beric arrives!

I’m sure he’ll be… totally welcomed here…

“…chuck ya over this fucking wall.”

Honestly, my suspicion is the audience “forgets” (but can they rly??) that there was ever anything between Sansa and the Hound… and then Sandor comes in with a big save at the last minute next ep.

Or Sansa saves him. I’d be down with that too.

So Arya stalks off, to go practice some bows, away in a manger…

(Wrong holiday, I know.)

Gendry arrives! He comes bearing a wicked double-sided spear!

AZIZ. NO. NO WEAPONRY PUNS.

BANNED. #BANNED

GENDRYA IS HAPPENING, Y’ALL…………………

SO THEY UM…. THEY STRIP…

Ron Howard: They were definitely going to fuck.

Well, Maisie’s certainly not any more.

MADAME!

Twitter done broked.

Nice bit of cross-pollination there.

LBR I only ever really ban people for speaking hard truths.

…

……

BANNED, MISS. #BANNED

So we fly back to the Tyrion-Brienne-Jaime-Davos-Pod-Tormund room…

Felt like a legit military brass moment. I been there!

“Women can’t be knights.”

Lord, I was screaming, “KNIGHT HER, JAIME!!!!!”

ALL MY SHIPS COMIN’ IN……… GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS DAY…..

Yeah.

I basically lost my shit. Total wreck.

Don’t screw Tormund!

(Or, rather, feel free to screw Tormund!)

But hey, there’s room for everyone to applaud!

I don’t agree. You can fall in love – and you can fall out of love. I don’t think Jaime loves Cersei at all any more. And I think he does love Brienne.

I also think he’s dying next episode, so that don’t even matter. That said…

So fucking hot too spicy.

So Samwell walks up on Wee Bear Lyanna talking to Cousin Jorah Mormont…

Li’l Lyanna still tha boss.

AND THEN YOOOO SAM GAVE OVER HEARTSBANE

Back in the wine -n- fire chamber…

Canon.

And then, quite suddenly, Podrick Payne… SINGS!

That’s my new headcanon.

(Titled: Cogman’s Revenge.)

YARP! “JENNY OF OLDSTONES”, aka JENNY’S SONG!

Y’ALL. DANIEL. PORTMAN. CAN. SING!

Yep. The montage was gorgeous. Grey Worm & Missandei… Sansa & Theon…

…Most of ’em. Basically. Goddammit, Bex.

This too is the right outlook.

So we end with DANY & JON in the Winterfell CRYPTS…

(Totally safe.)

NOT NOW, MACE!

…You’re half-banned. #HALF

Because just then—-HORNS!!!

(…………………………………………..toot… toot……… toooooooooooooooooooooooot…..)

DING DONG, THE DEAD ARE HERE!

LOL

THE IRON PRICE.

Next ep:

HARLey

“The most heroic thing we can do now is look the truth in the face.”

I have no idea what that euphemism is, but I am highly entertained by the mental picture.

Undead Starks and Direwolves.

Luckily Shireen v. 2 will be there to protect everyone.

More like:

Kens are trouble.

Innnnteresting.

LIES AND SLANDER!

They won’t take Brienne AND Jaime from us, right guys?

…Guys?

I think fighting the dead will encompass all of next ep, and then we get the aftermath of that in episode 4.

Oh, and this will happen:

And probably this:

So. Thoughts?

That’s not what Gendry said ayyy

Well done, yes.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Amen.

Alas, he is gone. To wit:

“They can all die” said in the most hopeful, cheerful way! Weirdly appropriate.

I DON’T USUALLY AGREE WITH BUZZFEED BUT WHEN I DO ITS REGARDING BRIENNE OF FUCKING TARTH

Edd lowkey the victim of the episode’s sickest burn.

Oh look! Why, it’s another interesting thread!

My take:

I met Maisie when she was like 12. Truth talk here: This was a lit-tle hard for me to watch. For me, she’s more than an actress on a show. She’s kind of a distant friend – one I knew when she was a kid, and now she’s all grown up, has her life, yadda yadda.

I mean, it’s not exactly J. Geils Band “Centerfold” levels of awkward. It’s actually quite different. And this could honestly be an age difference thing, because you may not get it if you don’t have teen or adult sons or daughters. Imagine like… one of your son’s or daughter’s friends stripping down and preparing for some sexytime shenanigans. In your living room. You don’t really want to watch that. And if you do…

I mean…

Okay.

I ain’t judging you if you want to watch friends fuck.

But don’t judge other people for not wanting to. Don’t assume you know why people are squicking at a particular scene. Respect peoples’ triggers and allow them to bow out of something without judging them.

So then let’s also add this for context, so we don’t get shit twisted:

Well said. Don’t judge.

Lastly:

Our girl Nat.

So the next day…

Same, fam.

As a fellow CRITTER, I can say with near-absolute certainty… probably not.

That said, both Dave and Dan were D&D Dungeon Masters during their youthful years. Maybe one enjoys CR?

There we go. Most succinct!

Also:

NO SHE IS NOT.

I could never be an actor.

Lastly:

Pod, you fookin’ legend.

Seeya for the DEATH EPISODE in FOUR DAYS, nerds!

, , ,
Axechucker
Axey writes.

15 Comments

  1. Pooping meself for next week. Jenny’s song is providing me with constant GoT adrenaline during this long winter of the in-between-2-episodes-season.

    Are you guys setting up some kind of support network or a contact line for when next week’s killing-of-our-faves starts?

    Oh, and…Hodor.

  2. Has Dany really been working her whole life for the this? Seems to me it was Viserys who was all about that life and Dany just wanted to go home until the Dothraki started calling her Khaleesi ….

  3. If Sir Friendzone doesn’t die defending the tiny but fierce lady of his house on the battlefield then his will be a disappointing death. – Because he will definitely be dying in the next episode. Shiny new sword notwithstanding, his time has most definitely come!

  4. OK, Literally laughed out loud at someone editing Bran into the painting. I will continue to laugh whenever I think about it now. 😂

  5. As everyone keeps going on about the dead in the crypts can anyone answer me this? Has the Night King or any of his lieutenants ever raised someone from the dead that wasn’t first killed by either a White Walker or a wight?

    I ask because when they first started raising the dead, I assumed it was those they killed that were raised and if that was true the dead in the crypts would be safe. But everyone else seems to be of the belief that any dead person can be raised, which leads me to wonder if I’ve missed something!

  6. Thanks for that, Axechucker! Those were good.

    PS For what it’s worth, some random thoughts:

    1. I’m kind of glad your tweet excerpts are no longer on Storify. They always froze midway through, or reverted to the beginning with a “page reloaded” error message. So frustrating when you’re reading something so entertaining.
    2. Sandor’s earnest face with the caption, “I fought for you, didn’t I?” = going right into a tee shirt, window decal, and postage meter stamps.
    3. Thanks for including the Arya-Gendry reactions. That scene completely blindsided me. Last week’s (Ep. 1) flirtation was cute. I thought that would be that.
    Upon further reflection and reading others’ reactions, I’m thinking this was completely IN character for Arya: (a) Demonstrate martial arts skills without showing off; (b) Select subject of discussion; (c) Control the narrative; (d) Interrogate and cross-examine; immediately call out bullsh*t and evasive answers; (e) Initiate, direct and control pace of encounter; (f) Proceed with certainty and confidence; and (g) Accomplish objective.
    4. I’m glad your participants seem to agree that Brienne vouching for Jaime + Jaime knighting Brienne was the perfect consummation of a love story.
    5. Nikoloj C-W is gonna get mobbed at the Con, isn’t he? Was this his all-time #1 episode?

  7. Damon Snow,

    About “the dead in the crypts”: My impression?

    It’s not about resurrecting those already interred there. Most already disintegrated into bone fragments and dust long ago.

    It appears I’m not alone in worrying about the repeated references in Ep. 2 that the women, children and other noncombatants will be safe in the Crypts.

    News Flash: They’re not.

    I think I posted a long-winded (sorry) part-tinfoil comment about this on 4/23/19 at 1:25 am under another article.

  9. I’m 100% on board with Jaime dragonglass wolverine claws. I loved this episode. I wanted a bit more Arya and Sandor conversation but that’s ok. My AryaXGendry shipping heart was satisfied. Brienne’s big moment had me bawling. Tormund was so cringeworthy in the best way haha! Poor guy wasn’t helping his cause at all. 😂 Theon and Sansa hit me in the feels as well. I really hope Theon survives his body-guarding job, guys!!!!

  10. I’m not one to cry over tv shows or movies, and even my Grinchy heart grew three sizes when Brienne was knighted 🙂

  11. Guys, revelation: I think we’re meant to be Jenny.

    *[Sobs uncontrollably as GoT S08E06 fades to black]*

  13. Totally OK with my murderbaby Arya seizing the day. Maisie’s eyebrow game was strong. When I literally saw the gloves come off, I knew. One finger at a time? That’s some classic faceless man burlesque right there.

    The only thing that gave me any pause was the way she lay awake later. I wondered if it was all she hoped. I worry about that cuz my girl deserves to run Storm’s End properly kitted out by her partner and friend Fleetfoot Gendry (Mr. Make DoWithWhatWe’veGot)

  14. Ten Bears:
    Upon further reflection and reading others’ reactions, I’m thinking this was completely IN character for Arya: (a) Demonstrate martial arts skills without showing off; (b) Select subject of discussion; (c) Control the narrative; (d) Interrogate and cross-examine; immediately call out bullsh*t and evasive answers; (e) Initiate, direct and control pace of encounter; (f) Proceed with certainty and confidence; and (g) Accomplish objective.

    Very well said. That was a challenging scene for them to get right — but they did it.

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