Unsullied Recap House of the Dragon Season 1 Episode 2 “The Rogue Prince”

Yes, yes. Titles, titles. Combine the houses. Strengthen the namesake. Preserve the lineage. Secure the heritage. We mustn’t let the family tree branch out any further!

Seriously, you people are sick.  Why do y’all watch this shit? And then read about it??

Grab your best crab trap and come along.  I’m disgusted.

Greetings again! A man’s name is Oz of House Oz. And I still haven’t read (any of) the books. Sarcastic Sorry.

Before viewing this week, I did make an internal decision to at least try and attempt not to compare this rendition of “Crab Island” to Game of Thrones. And why? Because HotD is clearly its own story with its own characters and its own set of issues. D&D are not involved and the vision for this show are now held by others.

While there are plenty of commonalities including that godawful, unpleasant, and incredibly hazardous chair, I’ve got to stop looking for Tyrion coming around the corner asking for his whore and wanting his bacon burned black.

House of the Dragon is its own beast. And this episode actually got me more interested than Episode 1.

And reminder… I don’t recap every single thing that took place in the episode.  As Ramsay said, “You haven’t been paying attention.” I know I’m not. I’m drinking ale.

And wow! An opening theme! I would have been fine if they had altered the music slightly for this show (although the original never gets old).  And let’s be honest… if rivers of blood doesn’t get you in the mood, then what does?

Council time. I like the councils because it depicts fictitious characters having fictitious arguments about fictitious issues within a fictitious world which is a hell of a lot more entertaining than watching you in a real-world argument you are never going to win on social media.

It’s also apparent that in this show, we have replaced the Littlefinger Jet Pack with Back to the Future fast-forwards. Approximately six months into the future. And look, we all know that if you’ve been single for six months because you lost your wife and child due to poorly-educated maesters, it is time to reclaim your mojo and GET BACK IN THE DAMN GAME Viserys.

Anyway, Corlys Velaryon (who has yet to speak Valyrian) is less than enthused about the COVID-crabs causing supply chain issues which, as a result, are most likely hurting his bottom line and keeping toilet paper off the shelves at Westeros Grocers Inc. All this while the new heir to the throne pours more mocha chocalatta grande ice coffee for the Westerbros.

Now it’s time for another episode of “Kingsguardddddd Jeopardy. Here’s your host, Otto Hightowwwweeerrrr.”

Otto: “The categories today are, Old Knight #1; Old Knight #2; Hot Knig….”

Rhaenyra: “I’ll take Hot Knight for $200, Otto.”

Segue to an overhead view of Dragonstone and woah… HBO has really cut the budget for special effects in this show. No wait, that’s the Fisher Price model of it in Viserys’ chambers. Alicent is visiting AGAIN and have they been having these little visits for six months? And dang girl, you so hot you made me drop my dragon.

Y’all are gross.

Later, Alicent has the dragon repaired and it’s pretty clear that Viserys is digging this relationship. It also made the end result of the episode predictable even though the fallout will likely be immense.

Cut to the hot tub of fire where Alicent and Rhaenyra do everything but get in. This of course thickens the plot for the rest of the season. And the candle-lighting coordinator needs a raise.

Thank goodness Corlys and Rhaenys have a better plan for the future romantic needs of the King. Praise the Gods. They propose their daughter (a character we haven’t yet met), Laena. They make it abundantly clear that this arranged wedding is not self-serving at all (insert eye-roll here), but would be a wonderful decision for the King moving forward. As an added bonus, Laena has Targ blood because that family tree needs to stay linear.

Viserys seems, well, reluctant. I can’t imagine why.

During all of this, Viserys is also dealing with numerous health issues including a pinky finger he mistakenly dipped in wildfire instead of guac. I’m not a maester (although my guess would be as good as theirs) but it could be Herpes Simplex 10 as described by Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop. “I think he should get checked out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on a man.”

The maggot-collecting coordinator also deserves a raise.

Then we meet Laena and ohhhh my I don’t have words and someone turn this shit off!

Not sure how much my jaw was on the floor but come on people. Very smart. Very inquisitive. Very cute. But Jesus come on y’all she’s like six.  I felt so much better after she told Viserys she didn’t have to bed him until she was 14. NO I DIDN’T.

HBO Insider News (usually behind a paywall but for you lot, it’s free): There was a scene not aired where Viserys and Laena end their playdate playing the board game, “Dungeons and Barbies” and binge-watching Cocomelon.  And it was age-appropriate, dammit.

Rhaenys and Rhaenyra meet up for a reality check where Rhaenys reinforces to the young Targ that a woman will never rule and a reminder that she was just recently serving the Westerbros mocha chocolatta.

Finally, Daemon shows up in the ep to face-off with Otto who mistakenly took a knife to a dragon fight. This assemblage almost got Criston Cole crispy (I’m sorry people… it’s inevitable. Rule of Westeros). Luckily for him, the Barista rides in to save he and the others asses and reclaims a dragon egg that seemed light enough to be made of Styrofoam.

Of course, this made King Pinkyfinger (no relation) a bit furious. However, teenage girls can pretty much talk their way out of anything and Rhaenyra is no exception. She accepts that he does, in fact, need to get remarried but wow this is about to backfire.

Back to the ‘Stone and Mysaria is my-serable with Daemon because they ain’t getting married anytime soon and she ain’t getting preggers anytime soon. Nice Daemon bluff. But Mysaria is not impressed and has no interest being a target and living in fear. Daemon states that she will be safe which once again means Rule of Westeros.

Viserys makes his decision and no, it is not the little girl because even he and this show have morals. It’s the slightly older girl (highly questionable morals) who gets the nod; a decision which should make the remainder of this season very intriguing.

Corlys silently says “fuck off” and heads to the ‘Stone to form an alliance with Daemon to assist him with Viserys and the ongoing issues with the crab master who covers his face and will now be known as, Leonardo da Pinci (sorry… dad joke).

Initial Thoughts: Seemed a little slow, but I like drama and dialogue more than swords and boobs. Weird, I know.  What I really look forward to is how this turns the world upside down from here on. This episode was a necessary setup ep. We shall see if it pays off later.

I also like the fact that we have more moving parts now… the issue with Alicent and Rhaenyra; Corlys and Daemon; the crabmaster dude; Otto’s obvious power move to get Viserys to marry his daughter; Mysaria fearing for her life; whether Rhaenyra will remain the heir, etc.

See you all next week for another fun-filled recap of “Look What the Crab Dragged In.”

Until then, enjoy your week, press on, do something kind for someone, and may there always be peace in your realm.

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