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Jesus… we can’t even get through the first five minutes of the season without killing 100 people.
Welcome all to the first Unsullied recap of Season 7! Once again, your virgin eyes and ears shall remain unmolested in the posts of Oz.
As a rule, we know that the premiere episode is typically a precursor for the rest of the season. What we didn’t know is that we would see Walder Frey one more time and that Giant Wights are real. Bundle up kiddos… winter is here.
Walder Frey is Dead
Which means, this has to be Arya. The cold opening brings 100 deaths (roughly) before the damn intro hits. Welcome back, Game of Thrones. Haters rejoice, especially when there is a mass killing within the first five minutes.
Arya’s plan is obvious… to fulfill her death list while gaining a few trophy-kills along the way. And she gets a head start by apparently killing all of the Freys that mean a “damn thing.” Damn good to see David Bradley at least one more time before we bid him farewell forever. We hated you, Walder. But we loved to hate you.
*The music hits…
**Oldtown in the intro!**
Your Friendly reminder that Winter is here, and the dead have come with it.
Just beyond the cold opening, was another cold opening. The Night King traipses through our screens on horseback with White Walkers and wights in tow. And oh… a fucking GIANT WIGHT, with what appear to be two more in the background.
Meera and Bran at the Wall
Following the Benjen drop-off three stops short of their destination, Meera and Bran arrive at the Wall tunnel and Bran has to prove to Edd who he is and what he has seen. And that’s it. To be continued next week, I hope.
Undermining in the North
Jon discusses the need for dragonglass with the Lords of the North. He then proclaims that men and women, boys and girls will need to be trained. When Lord Glover objects, the strongest person in the room stands up and proclaims that she will fight too. “I’m not freaking sitting and around knitting, you dumbasses!”
Jon goes on to call on Tormund and the Wildlings to go to Eastwatch since that is the closest place to Hardhome where the Walkers were last seen (and later confirmed by the fire of Thoros).
And then… I could hear the Sansa haters screaming at their televisions from across the narrow sea. And to be honest, I was too for a moment.
Sansa argues that the castles of Karstark and Umber should be given to lords that fought against the Boltons. And she had a completely valid point. The problem was that it was in front of everyone. Jon stands his ground and calls on Ned Umber and Alys Karstark and requests their loyalty to House Stark to which they oblige. Littlefinger approves as well.
And let me be clear on this… if Sansa had been chosen as King in the North and Jon had handled the situation the same, I would be blasting his ass. The truth is that Jon would have been wise to discuss these issues with Sansa before a public meeting. If that didn’t happen, Sansa would have been wise to ask if they could briefly speak in private. They’ve both got to learn to handle this better because everytime they do it, it benefits Littlefinger.
A raven arrives bringing a message from Cersei asking Jon to pledge allegiance to her. Sansa obviously respects her resolve and states that she learned a lot from Cersei which is undeniably true. I don’t know if this scene has “underlying plot” written on it, but I found it rather odd.
Segue to Cersei and Jaime standing on wet paint on the biggest color-by-number in the history of Westeros. They discuss a number of issues including the arrival of Dany and their little brother along with Tommen and the obvious need for allies.
Those quick-built 1000 ships look GOOD
In easy speculative order, about the only House that Cersei has left to form an alliance with is the Greyjoys. And sure enough, Euron shows up with his huge fleet, fresh haircut, and big cock. Euron and Jaime exchange pleasantries about the rebellion, cutting each other down while Euron brags about his 1000 ships “and two good hands.” The burn. The BURN.
Euron understands that truth will not be simply granted. So, he offers a Gift. And the only gift that I know of that has been referenced as a Gift before is Tyrion. Shit just got real. Speaking of shit…
Life at the Citadel is not all it’s cracked up to be as Sam is apparently paying dues by cleaning up shit and serving bowls of brown shit. In his small time in the library, Sam notices an area that is secured with information he believes he needs to be able to help Jon.
Later, during a Westerosi autopsy, Sam asks the Archmaester about getting access to the restricted area of the library. He explains that he has seen the White Walkers and the importance of being able to review the material. The Archmaester proclaims that he believes Sam, but doesn’t seem to buy into the idea that the end is near giving examples of other times in the past where others believed that the world was ending.
Probably the most important thing the Archmaester says in the exchange is the reference regarding the Wall and that it has held for years and will again.
Sneaky Sam grabs the keys to the restricted area anyway.
You’re a Lucky Man
Kristofer Hivju’s facial expressions make the whole Brienne infatuation work better than his words. And the writers throw in a reminder of why Baelish is still in Winterfell when it’s obvious no one can stand him. I’ll repeat… Lysakiller is not dying anytime soon.
Ed Sheeran is a Fookin’ Lannister
Arya walks up on the Castle on the Hill; I mean someone that’s the shape of you; I mean Ed Sheeran and a young group of Lannister soldiers who are genuinely friendly (potentially saving their lives in future episodes). Arya snacks on Bugs Bunny and tells the group straight up that she is on her way to King’s Landing to kill the Queen. Everyone has a laugh. Ed Sheeran Youtube videos get another million views.
Beric Dondarrion Could Be My Favorite Character
We catch up with the Hound and the Brothers without Banners looking for a place to spend the night. The Hound voices his opposition to the selected locale most likely due to the guilt of knowing he robbed the most recent inhabitants. The Hound questions why Beric is so special and why the LOL keeps bringing him back. He doesn’t know. Yet.
Then Thoros gets the Hound to look into the flame to see what he sees: that the dead are passing the Wall by Eastwatch.
Later, Thoros finds the Hound digging graves for the dead father and daughter. Again, we see evidence of the transformation of the Hound. Thoros recognizes it as well.
Woah! Was that a drawing of the dagger used to try and kill Bran?
In one of the books Sam swiped from the restricted area of the library, he comes across the fact that Dragonstone has a mountain of dragonglass and quickly sends a raven to Jon (of course, setting up the inevitable linkage we’ve all speculated about).
As Sam is delivering food, he comes across none other than Jorah Mormont who inquires as to whether or not Dany has made it to Westeros. I assume Jorah ended up there looking for a cure. Go find THAT book, Sam!
And then, a journey six seasons in the making finally becomes reality. Dany and company arrive at Dragonstone and quickly familiarize themselves with their new surroundings. The landing was not as dramatic as I had envisioned but serves the purpose all the same. Dany makes her way into the “map table room where Stannis made a shadow baby with Mel” and simply states, “Shall we begin?”
Oh yes. We shall.
Episode 701 Personal Awards
Favorite Action Sequence: Brienne knocks Pod on his ass.
“Leave one wolf alive, and the sheep are never safe.” –Walder (Arya)
“Tell them, winter came for House Frey.” –Arya
“I don’t plan on knitting by the fire while men fight for me.” –Lyanna Mormont
“Everything before the word ‘but’ is horse shit.” –Jon quoting Ned
“Right now, we look like the losing side.” -Jaime
“We’re the last Lannisters. The last Lannisters that count.” –Cersei
“The place was getting crowded.”- Euron
“So here I am with a thousand ships, and two good hands.” -Euron
“It’s my luck I end up with a band of fire-worshipers.” –Hound
Favorite Sequence: The Hound with Beric and Thoros
The “Oh Shit, I’ll Back Up” Award goes to: Euron when confronted by the Mountain
Jackass Award: I’m not a Sansa hater, but what she did make me cringe.
Pointless Trivia: Fact-check me on this, but I’m pretty sure this is the first episode that Tyrion appears in where he does not say a word.
Overall Thoughts: Great dialogue. Lacking action. But I’m personally more interested in the dialogue anyway, especially in the first episode of the season. After six years of saying she’s going home, Dany finally made it to Westeros and has plenty of help in tow. The question is, where will she begin, and what will she say when someone from the North shows up asking for some dragonglass on loan?
Cersei will eventually get to see Euron’s big cock, but will it be because he delivers Tyrion? Or someone else? And will this “alliance” be enough to push Jaime over the edge? And considering how fast everything is moving, will Arya get to her before any of this occurs?
Questions abound! Let’s discuss and rejoice that our show is back. Take it all in… this season is going to pass quickly.
Until next week, hang out and stay awhile. Invite an Unsullied to join us. And may there always be peace in your realm. –Oz
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