Editorial/Humor/Recap

The Tweets to Come

Posted on by Axechucker

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Heyooo, Throney faithful, and welcome to the INAUGURAL Watchers On The Wall Twitter post! New home, new look, same ridiculous crap.

(I will never stop giving you all ridiculous crap. Never.)

As it ever was (and ever shall be), tweets were grabbed by my glorious @Axechucker moniker on Twitter. I went after ones hashtagged #GameOfThrones or #TheWarsToCome … or else I knew you were a funny/strange bastard/ette and went trolling through your Twitter feed. I’m shameless.

If you hate the idea of your tweets being broadcast to the fandom, well… tough. Welcome to the world of public domain!

(I’m just kidding. Just send me a note and I’ll take you off The List.)

So let’s get INTO it!

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People were naturally hyped before the episode even began!


“Troll in a troll’s habitat.” -Douglas the Redditer


You had me at “Balls of the Unsullied.”


Well now I’m sad.

Those are damned good fakies though!


Nikolaj Coster-Waldau — He’s no Maisie!

So… to put it mildly, people were hyped up!


Right?


G’luck, Gracie!


If Hodor somehow dies this season the show and I will have words!

And so it began!


Think of this season as tantric sex. Winter is coming, yes, assuredly, but it hasn’t touched much of anything quite yet!


The very model of self-sacrifice!

“Previously, on Game of Thrones…”

Here comes the theme song! It’s the opening!


You’ll see! (Wasn’t a very prominent role.)


I mean, at least it’s not burning any more. But yes. That was disturbing.

We opened with a show first – a flashback!


THE WITCH! Sure enough, we get to meet, for the first time ever–


–mm. No. Maggy. (Maegi is also acceptable.) Close though…!


Maggy was not really froglike, true enough.

But Young Cersei got the bulk of the tweets:


And of course we got a prophecy! Or… part of a prophecy. Young Cersei was given three questions…

“Answer me these questions three, ‘ere the other side ye see!”

(Come on. Some of you were thinking it.)

(Or if you weren’t, you are now!)


That’s how I read it.

So we roar back to the present!

Beneath the vault’d roof of Baelor’s Sept we find a stately Tywin lying in state.

Oh, Davidio.


So Jaime was there too! Very much alive. (But dead inside.)

Across the Narrow Sea, in Pentos…

It is! The manse of Illyrio Mopatis… with no Mopatis in sight!

He’s not a mid–ah, dammit. We get at least one of these each year.

Tyrion would protest too, but he was too busy hurling. And I don’t mean the Gaelic outdoor sport dominated by the Irish.

Though I suppose it could be said they’ve mastered all sorts of hurling. Heyo!


Harsh.


Canon.


Patience, my little MonkeyFishFrog!

In fact, let’s head further east, and enter Dany’s stomping-ground, Meereen.

Down came the harpy! Not too many comments on it, probably because everyone already saw it in every season 5 preview ever.

Actually, scratch that. I went and got me some good ones.

But Twitter really came alive in 3… 2… 1…


Keep telling yourself that, Bri.

“Worm Tongue” is not, no.


That’s not–oh, never mind. I guess a lot of people thought it was!

Transition straight to Team Dany…!

We have seen a marked increase in Nathalie Emmanuel love since her appearance in Furious 7! I haven’t seen it yet, but I heard she was excellent.

We follow Missandei as she clears out the boys’ locker room to have a one-on-one with Grey Worm…

To the Wall we go! Jon is beating on Olly.


Briefly! Sucker’s gotten big!

So Gilly questions Sam as to why he’s not getting his ass beat by Jon as well. Sam dodges the question like a true pro.

Ser Aliser Thorne meanders by with his pet Slynt in tow…

Me too! Weird.

So Jon is taken by Melisandre…

(Not in the way she might want…)


Clearly that is what enchanted her.

I need to figure out how to insert that Katniss “I VOLUNTEER!” gif.


Right?

But I mean, there aren’t that many women there. I guess Gilly could break Sam’s heart. Selyse would want some of that Snowy goodness too, probably. Shireen? A bit young!

Anyway. We go up to the top o’ the Wall…


I feel like… you kind of didn’t watch any of last season’s finale.


You have a new OTP every week!

Sometimes three!


Right?


Right in the heart!

We swing over to the Eyrie(ish), and catch up with Sansa, Baelish, and Bronze Yohn!


I see what you did there.

And we also have… Brave Young Robin!

(Bravely ran away-away!)


Michal!


That line was very popular.

Meanwhile, somewhere near the Eyrie…


This is actually my boss Sandrine’s OTP. But she calls it “Brodrick.”


You would know.


Have a better chance finding Waldo than Bran this season…

Back at Kings Landing, Cersei was finally gracious enough to let other people into Tywin’s funeral.


STAHP!


NOT NOW, MACE!

Seriously, why was that the only “Not Now Mace” I saw? This is me judging you, fandom.

Danielle, you get an apple.


Dammit, Laura!

We get a very popular re-introduction of someone we haven’t seen since season 2!

Later, in bed…

(No, it’s not Lancel!)


More to come!

But before long we get Margaery with the cockblock!

Back in Pentos, Tyrion is only a little bit more sober, and Varys is tryin’ to talk some sense!


Can’t wait!

(We’ll probably have to.)

Back in Meereen, Daario and Hizdahr return from their mission to Yunkai!

Later, we get Dany and Daario post-coitus…


DavidioxDaario. My new OTP.

And… there might have been a butt.

Whaaaaat? Better than THIS you mean…??

Daario Naharis Portrait by Kittanee (Deviantart)
Daario Naharis Portrait by Kittanee (Deviantart)

Madness.

So Dany takes Daario’s advice and goes to visit the kiddies…

And finally back at the Wall, Jon gets to have a one-on-one with Mance.


You mean Euron Greyjoy, Victarion Greyjoy, and Old Griff, respectively?

Because that can still happen.

Ish.


Great line.

So Mance is brought before Stannis…


Will he kneel?!


Ayyy.

But Mance, Mance does not kneel. Jon can only watch.


I don’t think that would help Mance right now, Steph!

Melisandre speaks her speak and lights the bonfire. (Was kind of expecting at least one “The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors.” Kind of the Essosi equivalent of the Hail Mary.)


That’s actually excellent advice for someone about to be burned to death! I mean, when “Stop, drop, and roll” isn’t an option. Nerds! Take note!


The STANNIS kind!


We-ell, not quite…


Jon Snow was trending for just a bit. That was nice to see. Good on Kit. He completely took over last season episode 9 and hasn’t looked back. Lot of Ned Stark in that character.


Anatomy and the Lord’s Kis—oh, well, I guess that… counts as anatomy…

And just like that it was over–for Mance AND for us!


That’s why you hire a Ciarán Hinds. Dude sold it.


No Arya!

Speaking of Arya, previews for next week show us some interesting stuff…


Stooooooked!

Overall thoughts?


I’m confiscating your snark card, Motels.

(I can’t say anything, really. Girl’s consistent. She might bend the knee to Stannis. But to Dany? Never.)


Agreed! Loved that scene.

Butts were discussed. Man-butts.

#Buttgate became #Peengate…

…and then Anna Kendrick tweeted this:

Anna

We could probably end this violent mayhem with one simple hashtag campaign. I give you:

#MichielHuismanPleaseSendAnnaKendrickADickPic

… No?

G’night, Bex!

Episode two is 5 days away! Get hip!

, , ,
Axechucker
Axey writes.

68 Comments

  1. Thanks for the inclusion, Axey! I have been hungover for the past 36 hours. The things I do for…the starkalypse? Reexamining my life.

  2. Oh my… someone needs to do some awesome .gif stuff with Robin’s fighting and Brave Sir Robin… so good

    And the butt to boob ratio was GLORIOUS!

  4. No matter what happens, I would die happy if I never had to see the phrase “DemThrones” ever again.

  6. I approve of this delivery of ridiculous crap.

    (There may have been more screentime devoted to manbutts, but there were technically three of them, and three pairs of boobs in that brothel.)

  11. The random mentions of Gilly’s baby made me realize that that baby poses unique challenges as far as the passage of time go. He still looks like, well, a baby, even though he was born in early season 3. Ergo, not more than a few months can have passed.

  13. We have seen a marked increase in Nathalie Emmanuel love since her appearance in Furious 7!

    Thankyou! I was staring at her the whole movie going ‘what do I know her from???’. I am Dumb.

    But at least I knew that wasn’t greyworm!

  14. This was hilarious. Glad to see people’s humor are still around while watching such a dark show.
    Loved all the tweets except for that AngryGoTFan person. Not funny, just fucking annoying.

  15. I have missed this.

    You mean Euron Greyjoy, Victarion Greyjoy, and Old Griff, respectively?

    Because that can still happen.

    Ish.

    All of my yes.

  19. Sean:
    No matter what happens, I would die happy if I never had to see the phrase “DemThrones” ever again.

    What does it mean anyway?

    p.s. I’m not a native speaker

  20. This is cool, but you know what WotW really needs? A collection of .gifs so we can endlessly re-watch all the best 3-second clips of the episode all choppy and without sound.

  21. You’re the best AXC baby. So, so glad I found you all over here at WotW!
    That old site now sucketh majorly.

  22. Absolutely brilliant and hilarious read as always Axey. Accept no imitations people!!

  24. “I feel like… you kind of didn’t watch any of last season’s finale.”
    That was great. Thanks again for including me! I feel so special, like I’ve gotta keep up my tweet game. See ya next week!
    @7373tinkerbell

  27. Seven Hells, I think I’ve missed Axechucker’s Twitter posts almost as much as I’ve missed Game of Thrones itself. Cheers to their return! And thank you once again for including one of my tweets in the recap!

    Anna Kendrick’s Twitter account is superb.

  28. Seriously…there is a Euron Funko figure? I need one.

    Also, thanks for the reminder of Daario with the blue beard. Oh what could have been! 😉

  29. Jared:
    Seven Hells, I think I’ve missed Axechucker’s Twitter posts almost as much as I’ve missed Game of Thrones itself. Cheers to their return! And thank you once again for including one of my tweets in the recap!

    Anna Kendrick’s Twitter account is superb.

    +1!!
    I crack up every time. Now that I’ve read all of these, I must go back and re-watch with all the comments in my head. It’ll be like having all of the Twitterverse in my family room!
    Axey and Crew, absolutely FABULOUS job, as usual. 😉 Can’t wait for next week and the commentary on the Sand Snakes.

  33. Amazing as always, Axey. Thank you for using my tweets! I can’t begin to express how excited I am for these Twitter Recaps to be back. I love these just as much as the episodes!

  34. THANK YOU!!!! Had to search all over the internet and find you guys after reading the awful “twitter recap” on the OTHER site. Never even knew about the schism until today, so glad I found you.

  36. I am sooo glad i found this site! I didn’t know you guys moved. The recap at the other site was terrible! Thanks for another great one!

  37. Thanks for all the great comments! It’s good to know most of the old fandom has moved on over to WotW.

    This was sort of a trial-and-error inaugural post, as it was also the first time I experimented with embedding the actual tweets to the post rather than re-typing them by hand. It sort of worked and sort of didn’t. WordPress apparently stops embedding after x much data. (This is why some were embedded and some were in quotation columns.)

    I also ran into a quaint little problem with Tweets that used emojis – they acted like miniature hand-grenades tossed into the text; WordPress didn’t know how to deal with emoticons it didn’t personally recognized, so any text below an emoji was simply wiped from the page. I lost approximately 9 pages of tweets I had collected after this fiasco, and was only able to re-type (by memory) maybe 4 pages of that.

    So if you thought THIS was long…

    Anywho, next week I’ll be attempting a different route using a different program (thanks, Dame Pasty!) so cross your fingers!

    This stuff is always a blast.

  38. I can’t believe my Mace Tyrell tweet was featured! (And I got an apple for it! <3) It's my absolute favorite quote from any season and applies to pretty much every scene he's in!

  40. Miyay:
    I am sooo glad i found this site! I didn’t know you guys moved. The recap at the other site was terrible! Thanks for another great one!

    huge understatement, they literally gathered like 8 tweets, 1 for each scene. complete joke. this right here is amazing to read

  42. And my transition is complete- the right articles by the right writers supported by the right community. So glad I found my way to the wall and took the black! My GoT week would not be complete without my Twitter recap!

  43. Now THAT is a proper Twitter recap! Awesome stuff. Glad to have finally found you again. If it wasn’t for that crap recap over at WiC and wondering what the hell was going on. Thank goodness for a generous commenter, a mention of Watchers on the Wall and Google 🙂 I hope you guys will link to the FB recap as well this season. I enjoy these almost as much as the show itself 🙂

  47. oh god, thank you very much for this! i thought we’ve lost these recaps forever after i saw the pathetic rip-off on.. you know, the other place.

  51. mjoed,

    I knew the other site would rip off the Twitter reaction post. Looks like Sue was correct though and they were not talented enough to pull it off. Bunch of hacks back there

  52. wizardeyes,

    Google.

    My ass-kissing paid off! Thanks for featuring me, Axey. I really mean it when I say this is the second favourite part of my Throner week. After the episode, naturally.

  55. Axey’s recaps are the best. I’m glad to see his Twitter recap bring even more people back home to us. Keep spreading the word about WotW, that features like the Twitter recap are over here now! Thanks to everyone who has been helping out in that regard. The more the merrier. 🙂

  56. I always love these! But I had to try three mobile browsers to get this page to render. Any way you could make it easier to load?

  57. I loved reading all of these twats/tweets/whatever…. I don’t do Twitter and I think I would be so far behind if I did. It seems that people are tweeting as they are watching. Makes the comments more clever than having to do it in hindsight.

    Axe, you are a riot!!

    I guess one needs a phone to use Twitter…..no can do with my Model T cell phone. But I will enjoy this recap every week now.

    Keep on Twatting!!

  62. rfresa:
    I always love these! But I had to try three mobile browsers to get this page to render. Any way you could make it easier to load?

    Yeah, this thread takes a few minutes to load for me, which is definitely not the case for any other website I go to. In fact, as I’m typing this, my screen keeps “blinking/refreshing/something”. Regardless, it’s too bad, because this thread is hilarious and awesome!

  63. Hodor’s Bastard:
    Seriously…there is a Euron Funko figure?I need one.

    Also, thanks for the reminder of Daario with the blue beard. Oh what could have been!

    The Euron pop toy is actually a custom I made. It’s Jack Sparrow’s body painted with the wine glass added and Ciel from Black Butler’s head with an added beard and blue lips.

  66. This page crashed my browser badly 3 times on one of my devices. The countdown widget and the Twitter feed take forever to load on some devices, but I can block the Twitter feed. I liked the site better stripped down. I suspect all of the links in the post also caused it to hang. If Axe is only going to only use tweets as opposed to a mix of that and comments on open chat threads, I’m going to live tweet the

    F

    out of him the next 3 weeks without hashtags!

  67. uh i’m so glad to found this, the twitter recap is the best thing ever that i’ve waited beside GOT itself

    thank you Axey for doing this, now i won’t visit “the other site” again, WotW is my main news source for GOT right now

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