WotW Awards: Funniest Quote Preliminary Round

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Today we start voting in the category of Funniest Quote for the Watchers on the Wall Awards. For a show that’s so notoriously grim, it’s amazing how many nominees we have, and could easily think of more. There are over fifty selections to choose from, from hugely popular ones to underappreciated little gems.

As with the other categories, we’re asking that you choose FIVE candidates for Funniest Quote in this preliminary round. You can choose fewer than five, if you want to, but no more.

At the end of 72 hours (Wednesday 9/3/14 at 11:00AM Eastern Time), whichever five Funniest Quotes have the most votes will continue on to the finals. (Note: in the final rounds, you will only have one vote to cast in each category!)

The results of the poll will be revealed when it’s time to choose the final winner of Funniest Quote in a few weeks. For now, have a smile over the nominees, and vote!

Thanks again to Greatjon of Slumber for gathering the fan submissions for this category!

Sue the Fury
Susan Miller, Editor in Chief of WatchersOnTheWall.com

52 Comments

  1. Hodor XD

    My first one on WotW.

    Am I the only one who can’t see the poll in this one?

    EDIT: Not that it really mathers, ‘What the Fuck’s a lommy?’ for the win!

  2. Veltigar:
    Hodor XD

    My first one on WotW.

    Am I the only one who can’t see the poll in this one?

    EDIT: Not that it really mathers, ‘What the Fuck’s a lommy?’ for the win!

    Can’t see it either.

  3. Only 5? Aaah it’s so tough!

    Honorery mention to my favourite Karl Tanner line “I could piss in any gutter and sew five of you”

  4. I think the Hound owns this category (chickens and Lommy all in one episode!), followed by Bronn. Although, Shireen might win me over just for saying “K-niggit!”

  5. Bronn and the Hound (as usual) have the best lines but there needs to be a shout out for Margaery Tyrell as “Oh look, the pie!” was comic timing and delivery at its best.

  6. I think you could probably have pared it down a little. Hats off though for including “Do you love me, Reek?” – a big favourite of mine. But when all’s said and done, it has to be “lots of cunts”.

  7. Isn’t it “I was a fookin’ legend in Gin Alley”?! 😛

    This one has been the toughest choice yet!

  8. Sergei Walankov: I think you could probably have pared it down a little.

    Well, no, we couldn’t. The point was to let fans choose the preliminary nominees. THIS is the paring-it-down.

  9. “The mother of madness” line gets my vote, if it makes past the preliminaries. Too damn funny and true.

  10. I guess my sense of humor is not in tune with that of most people here, so I guess my choices won’t win. These are the ones that I find truly funny:

    Tyrion’s enumeration of the three Lannister children
    Olenna saying it’s so wrong to kill people at weddings

  11. The way I see it, there’s one line that – based how celebrated it was over the course of the entire season – probably has to be considered the clear favorite (see if you can guess which one that might be). Other than that, this category is an utter crapshoot – I have no idea what’s going to ultimately make it through. I settled on these five, but there are at least twenty that I would be happy to see make the finale round. This really was quite a funny season.

    The Hound – “What the fuck’s a Lommy?”

    Arya: “Lots of people name their swords.”
    The Hound: “Lots of cunts”

    Oberyn: “And did you?”
    Shae: “Did I what?”
    Oberyn: “Fuck him like it was his last night in this world?”

    Cersei: “Do you think that I’d let that old lecher put his hands on me? He smells like a dead cat.”
    Jaime: “I’m not sure that I’ve ever smelled a dead cat.”
    Cersei: “Well, they smell like Pycelle.”

    Tyrion: “You’re famous for fucking half of Westeros. You’ve just arrived at the capital after two weeks of bad road. Where would you go?”
    Bronn: “I’d probably go to sleep, but I’m getting old.”

    It was only after I submitted my choices that I realized that four of my five selections came from the very first episode of the season (“Two Swords”). Strange how that worked out. Of course, it’s probably a consequence of that episode being heavy on the Hound and Oberyn – two of Season 4’s comedic MVPs.

  12. Made myself pick one best from each person, n even then five wasn’t enough. On the other hand, I couldn’t see the comedy in some of these; to me, some of them felt so much more like drama (like Tyrions ‘blame the pigeons for all I care’…or most of what he’s done this season really). Such a thin line that is, sometimes, the one between a laugh n a painful stab to the heart. N this show manages to do both simultaneously, a lot. But five of the ones where a laugh came first:

    Olenna’s marriage remark, Sams comment about the vows, Bronns ‘I’ve just hit you with your own hand’, the Hounds’ ‘What the fuck’s a Lommy’ and Mances comment about Stannis’ dressing choice. That last one I felt I really had to do because it includes interesting characters who’ve gotten so little screen time, but now I feel bad about not including one of Oberyns gems.

    Oh well 🙂

  13. What the fucks a Lommy?

    NOT NOW, MACE!

    You are not my friend, my friend.

    Ka-niggit

    Hello. Hello! Not you…

  14. “Do you love me, Reek?” – Ramsay

    “Who the fuck’s Jon Snow?” – Locke

    “Oh look, the pie!” – Margaery Tyrell

  15. This must be the toughest one so far for me. I had one Oberyn quote, one Tyrion, one Bronn, one Hound and one Stannis.
    And as I was re-reading them all, I realized that as much as I love the first four, and I think Rory and Jerome have a real knack at delivering a funny punchline, it is the Stannis one that I’d vote for the best.

    The way Dillane said sarcastically that they don’t have between them enough men to raid a pantry had me in stitches.

  16. Such a thin line that is, sometimes, the one between a laugh n a painful stab to the heart.

    Ayup. Many of those quotes got a chuckle from me, but they were uttered with an ironic, cynical tone. ‘Shes gone’ and ‘just leave me out of it’ were examples. The ones I cracked up at were the ones I picked

    And neither will you

    Fuck him like it was his last night in this world?

    What sort of monster would do such a thing

    Better part of the afternoon

    And yeah, the chicken one

  17. I have to go with:

    “The greatest swordsman who ever lived didn’t have a sword?” – The Hound.

    Rory’s delivery and expression made me laugh pretty hard when he said that. 🙂 But…

    Oberyn: “Hello.” Tyrion: “Hello.” Oberyn: “Not you.”

    Is a REALLY close second. Love when the show throws in unexpected hilarious moments.

  18. GODDAMMIT
    Even if i don’t want for the lines directly taken from the books, this is still bleeding hard

  19. “Pyp! Open the fucking gate!!!” That is one of my favourites! Our boy Sam growing some cojones and becoming more assertive!

  20. “Not now Mace” is one of my favorites, as well as “Oh look, the pie!” and Oberyn’s and the Hound’s lines.

  21. I think some of these choices are more smile-inducing than outright funny, but I suppose everyone’s tastes vary! I was surprised by how easily I remember the scenes every line was in as well.

  22. I’m dreading a future round where I may have to pick between “every fucking chicken in here” and “what the fuck is a Lommy?”

  23. “What the fuck’s a Lommy”

    “Lots of people name their swords”
    “Lots of cunts”

    “You cannot give up on the gravy”

  24. Pep:
    “Not now Mace” is one of my favorites, as well as “Oh look, the pie!” and Oberyn’s and the Hound’s lines.

    Oh theres another one to Mace Spoken by Tywin I just remembered ‘Would you go get us some paper there’s a good man’ (not sure if thats completely right but you get the idea)

  25. I wouldn’t be surprised if 3 of the 5 lines come from the five-minute stretch immediately preceding the Hound’s fight in the Inn. And even with that dominance, I *still* think the Hound walks away with the win at the very end. But I went with:

    –What the fuck’s a Lommy?

    –The chicken line.

    –Cersei’s bit about Pycelle smelling like a dead cat.

    –“You are not my friend, my friend.”

    –And not giving up on the gravy.

  26. I voted for:
    “Oh look, the pie!”
    “Killed the right people, I suppose.”
    “…I’m going to have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.”
    “You’ll never marry Cersei” “Neither will you.”
    “The following morning, Luthor never made it down the stairs to propose to my sister, because the boy couldn’t bloody walk.”

  27. “They don’t have enough men between them to raid a pantry.” -Stannis Baratheon

    “What the fuck’s a Lommy?” – the Hound

    “You cannot give up on the gravy. No gravy, no pie. Simple as that.” – Hot Pie

    Arya: “Lots of people name their swords.” The Hound: “Lots of cunts.”

    “I understand if any more words come pouring out of your cunt mouth, I’m going to eat every fucking chicken in this room.” – The Hound

    It seems episode 1 was great for the Hound, huh. Stannis and his dry humor is great too, as well as the unexpected intrusion by Hot Pie.

  28. Am I the only one who thought the Lommy line was not even remotely funny. It didn’t even make sense to ask. Arya’s preceding line made it clear that Lommy was a ‘who’, not a ‘what’.

    Obvious winner for me was “Oh, is it over then?”

  29. “What the fuck’s a Lommy?”
    Arya: “Lots of people name their swords.” The Hound: “Lots of cunts.”
    “You won’t be a very good hand if you see the word ‘knight’ and say ‘ka-niggit.”
    “The proud Lannister children: the cripple, the dwarf and the mother of madness.”
    “If I wanted wits, I’d marry you.”

    My top 5… but I swear: choosing was hard.

  30. Hot Pie’s ‘you cannot give up on the gravy’, the fookin’ legend (though not funny looking at the circumstances), Margaery’s excellently timed ‘Oh look, the pie!’ and Olenna’s ‘NOT NOW MACE’ and ‘My word!’ about Brienne.
    The Hound is overrated. The only lines I laughed at this year were ‘the bloody Hound!’ and ‘Every fucking chicken in this room’. But I have some weird humour. 😛

  31. Okaaaay

    Oddly enough, I am not that fond of the Hound’s humor, but the chicken line gets my vote. So does Loras sassing Jaime (I will always vote for it, ALWAYS, everywhere), Jon Snow the bleeding poet, Sam the fucking gate commander, and of course, “Not now, Mace”

  32. Bliss:
    Am I the only one who thought the Lommy line was not even remotely funny. It didn’t even make sense to ask. Arya’s preceding line made it clear that Lommy was a ‘who’, not a ‘what’.

    Obvious winner for me was “Oh, is it over then?”

    Nope, I wasn’t much of a fan of that one. But the chickens… oh that had me in stiches.

    I don’t even remember which 5 I picked but I loved them all.

  33. Oberyn, Bronn and Lady Olenna definitely got my votes! They’re easily the ones that make me snort out loud the most ha

  34. We all know who wins this….the fookin legend of gin alley!!!!!

    Fook em til theyre dead!!!!!

    I could piss in any gutter and sow five of you

    You know what id do for seven silvers, theyd tell me a mans name and that man never saw daylight again. Bunch of fancy fookin cowards in steel armor fookin cunts!!!

    You should shut your hole!

  35. Bliss: It didn’t even make sense to ask. Arya’s preceding line made it clear that Lommy was a ‘who’, not a ‘what’.

    That’s the exact reason it makes it funny. Because he says ‘what’ and not ‘who’.

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