To Tweet @ the Seven Kingdoms – Part 1

Jaime Lannister Bran Stark Season 8 802 Weirwood Heart tree Godswood Winterfell

WE BACK.

I ain’t even giving the shpiel. This is a Twitter post. I am @Axechucker. We are @WatchersOTWall. Catch up already!

Let’s get it.

SO PPL STILL TALKIN’ SHIT ‘BOUT LAST EP…

This makes me sad.

In contrast, this makes me happy:

No, Rhaegar is not—Wait, that’s…

…is that a… thing… ?

RAST! PYP! SYRIO!

#NeverForget

Dark yet delicious!

SO UH I GUESS THERE WAS A LEAK…

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

This was a fine lol:

It’s not!

So the time was ‘pproaching…

I’d yell at her, but honestly, this is an appropriate reaction.

Johan is OLDSCHOOL. Mad respect, son!

Hot in theory, but ultimately distracting.

I mean, does side-boob count?

Previously on Game of Thrones

The Braime shippers were already out in force:

Epic Rap Battles of History voice:

AAAAAAAAND… BEGI–!

The glorious new opening opens gloriously!

George might write an entire novel about it, no lie. See: AFFC and ADWD.

Same. I think you were …. 12?

I was in my 40’s.

Side note: I’m not the only one looking at those underground scorps… nervously…

They’re definitely coming back into play at some point.

This ep is written by Bryan Cogman! Let’s go!

We open at Winterfell (to stay), and Jaime Lannister on trial!

Tyrion tries to step up for his bro. It doesn’t go well. You in trouble, son…

Sansa starts by taking Dany’s side…

…Bro.

And then who do we see?

She wasn’t even in the season premiere smh

BRIENNE GETTIN’ THINGS DONE, SON.

Let me just… leave this here:

Jaime gets his (half-Ice) sword back from Grey Worm… and just like that. The trial is over.

…And Jon walks out without speaking to Dany.

Dany, not happy with any of it, rakes Tyrion over the Targaryen coals.

I’m still hoping against it.

(But damn, Tyrion needs to do something.)

At the forge, Gendry works on more dragonglass.

(Glad he’s not MELTING IT DOWN and putting it in molds this time. Since, you know. THAT’S NOT HOW OBSIDIAN WORKS.)

MAYBE LATER.

SPOILE—-oh, I guess you called it early, actually. Carry on.

I mean…. Why not both?

“My weapon.”

“–I’LL GET RIGHT ON IT.”

Possibly the best exchange all episode. And then add this:

Comedy gold.

Let’s go to the Weirwood Tree, shall we? Catching up with Bran and Jaime…

Bran’s not angry at anyone? The Night King would beg to differ, little lord.

So Jaime goes and has a talk-n-a-stroll with Tyrion…

…Foreshadowing??

Our lad Jaime sees the Beauty, Brienne…

Ol’ Pod’s givin’ lessons…!

….That may have just inspired a fanfic. Or four.

Brienne say yesssssss jesus pleeeeaaaaase

PASTOR! MICHAL! GO TO YOUR ROOMS!

So Dany hangs wit’ Jorah…

Jorah got Tyrion’s back. Good to see.

Jorah comin’ through with wisdom all episode.

…He’s so dead.

So Dany goes to see Sansa, who’s laying down the law for Bronze Yohn Royce and his super uncomfortable-looking breastplate…

Dany: “Who manipulated whom?”

Shippers gon’ ship.

WOW, STILL TAKING SHOTS AT KIT’S HEIGHT, ARE WE?

Damn, y’all.

Troof.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NORTH, DANY?

AND HEARK! FOR WHOM DO THE HORNS BLOW!? IT’S THEON!

(Irony – I don’t know that they ever caught the damnable horn-blower that Theon hated so much.)

(Was it Ramsay? DO WE KNOW THAT? I prefer to think of a rogue piper still skipping merrily just beyond reach of Winterfell archers, revisiting his old haunt every blue moon… toot toot toot….)

Theon breaking my heart, as per the norm.

T.T

Let’s catch up with Ser Davos, knight of the soup line…

SLANDER.

And ho! A wild Gillyflower doth appear!

My vote is “Pleasantly plump!”

(Note: I don’t get a vote.)

“I want to fight too.”

SHE! WILL! DEFEND! THE! CRYPT!

Next ep is gonna be fucking brutal. But y’all know that, and aren’t even pretending it’s gonna be otherwise.

BUT HEARK! THAR BE MORE HORNS!

(……………………………toot…. toot…)

It’s Edd!

Look who else is here! It’s Beri—WHOOMPH!

He really is.

Time for a Council Meeting! So many people in one room!

(Filming that musta been like trying to control a Kindergarten class after snack time featuring pixie sticks.)

I WONDERED THE SAME THING.

“I’ll wait for him in the Godswood.”

AND THEN THEON WITH MORE WORDS THAT BASICALLY SEALED HIS *%$#^ING DEATH.

WHY ONLY THEON

Hm, I wonder if Harley has anything to say regarding this matter?

UM THAT escalated quickly. LET’s… move away from…. there for a … bit…

Tradition!

“We’re all going to die.” TORMUND about sums it up.

Yup.

So Tyrion goes and has a chat with Bran…

“If only we were trapped in a castle.”

Kinda feel like this scene’s being slept on. Tyrion may have a secret plan in tandem with Bran, following this. We’ll see!

Around that time, Missandei and Grey Worm experience White People.

Sorry, Miss.

So we were all just coming to grips with MORE death foreshadowing … and then…

The internet howled!

Shelly.

He was there. All along.

He did look somewhat…. normal-wolf sized, actually!

(I see what they’re doing. Retcon-ing Shaggydog’s smol-ass head…)

NOW YOU JUST SHUT YA MOUF

Brutal.

So Jon and Sam have a parapet meeting, joined by Community Friend Dolorous Eddison Tollett.

One of the reasons why “burn thigh” is one of my fave little Twitter birds. Our shared love of Pypenn. (Gryp?)

I too am relieved. They had me sweating for a hot moment. Thank the Old Gods for the safe crypts.

TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2.

9 responses

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    1. Woo-hoo! Love these roundups. Thanks Axey!

      Kinda feel like this scene’s being slept on. Tyrion may have a secret plan in tandem with Bran, following this. We’ll see!

      Tyrion! Always with these secret off-screen meetings/discussions.

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    2. Thanks – I really enjoy the twitter roundup since I am incapable of immersing myself fully in the show AND tweeting at the same time. #multitaskingfail

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    3. You know, I think I prefer grey worm dying in battle to grey worm surviving, going with Missandei to Naath, and dying a horrible death by butterfly

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    4. Ashara D:
      I thought I was the only one who thought about cutting Bran’s arm off. Walking Dead influence I guess.

      I keep wondering why they’re keeping Bran in a densely populated area if they know he’s Target #1. They do have the capacity to airlift him to an uninhabited island, after all. There might even be one with a weirwood Wi-Fi.

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    5. I might need to rewatch and pay more attention, but didn’t they rather add small shards of obsidian into iron/steel and pour that into molds? Rather than insinuating they are “reforging” obsidian?

      I mean, I would at least try that (mind you I am absoutely no blacksmith, might not even be possible to do that). Technically there would still be obsidian in the weapon, thus it still should work on wights and white walkers.

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