Sunday night will be historic.
Perhaps the Starks reclaim Winterfell. Maybe Ramsay croaks. Maybe Jon dies (again). And maybe, it will be the best episode of the season. We will find out soon enough.
But one fact cannot be denied… if the rumors of the abbreviated final seasons are true, this will be the last of the Epic 9s.
Prep the Kleenex dispensers and ready your sentimental shields, for a man is not ready to see this run end…
For 5 years, 58 episodes, 2 Daarios, 2 Myrcellas, 2 Berics, 2 Tommens, 3 Mountains, and a shitload of CGI, the fandom have energetically awaited the coming of the coveted 9th installment of the respective season. Sunday night, it will presumably come to an end.
For historical significance only, years ago the good people who run this site were working at another site and inadvertently coined the term, the Epic 9s. The term got thrown for a loop last year when the Hardhome curveball was hurled in a surprise 8th episode. But 509 stood its own ground in the wake.
I’ve never been the type to credit “ranking lists” for anything more than what they normally are: the usual “dangling carrot” articles derived to serve the single purpose of guilting you to click when you know you shouldn’t. I mean, what are they really? It’s typically a subjective opinion piece from someone who is, most likely, attempting to emotionally bait you into an online article that you will most certainly disagree with.
And that is why I’m going to let YOU do the dirty work.
I provide the brief review. You rank ‘em below in the comments. And let’s all hope that the final 9th episode comes out somewhere near the top. Cool?
Episode 109: Baelor
You all know what happened. Cat negotiated with Frey. Jon received Longclaw. Jaime was captured. And the rules of television no longer applied when GoT killed off the presumed lead character of the show. This was the beginning of a fixation for a man who does not make a habit of becoming fixated.
Episode 209: Blackwater
Cersei gets some poison, just in case. Varys’ learns of Stannis’ relations with a Red Priestess (and is unimpressed). An unmanned ship leaking wildfire floats through the attacking fleet. Ser Bronn of the Blackwater is born. Lancel is injured. Tyrion is slashed. Pod kills Ser Mandon. The Hound runs away, and Joffrey runs to momma.
I had the old Sony cranked up, with the discount surround sound system kicking. The explosion rattled the windows of House Oz. I’d never seen anything quite like it.
Episode 309: The Rains of Castamere
You don’t need me to remind you about this one. A lot of beloved characters got the business thanks to Roose, Walder, and the regarding Lannisters. Hodor didn’t like the thunder. Bran didn’t like the “Hodor-ing.” Bran wargs into Hodor. Osha and Rickon head to the Umbers. Jon kills Orell. And Dany is given Yunkai by Worm, Jorah, and Daario v.1.
Just when the viewer-only contingent thought it couldn’t get much worse in Westeros, the Red Wedding occurred. Coverage of the events depicted in the episode were reported on every major news platform. Reaction videos went viral. And supposedly, the entire internet crashed for a brief period.
Episode 409: The Watchers on the Wall
An entire episode dedicated to one location (ah, the good ol’ days) and the namesake of this fine site, The Watchers on the Wall provided some of the most memorable moments of the series.
In retrospect, Ser Alliser admits that he should have sealed the tunnel. A giant arrow disintegrates a crow off the top of the Wall. Slynt runs for the basement. Sam kills a Thenn. Jon kills a Thenn. The fucking Thenns have a bad night. The giants and a mammoth attempt to pull down the gate. Grenn and company bravely defend the tunnel from a freight train. The epicness that was the scythe is released. And Owen Teale leaves us with one of my personal favorite exchanges:
“I said nock and hold, you cunts! Does nock mean draw? Does fucking hold mean fucking drop? You all plan to die here tonight? That’s very good to hear!
Episode 509: The Dance of Dragons
Forever overshadowed by the episode 8 punch in the mouth otherwise known as Hardhome, The Dance of Dragons carried its weight with memorable moments as well.
Arya follows Meryn Trant to a brothel and learns that he was truly a sick fucker. Jon returns to the Wall with the wildlings (and Wun Wun gains admirers, whether he wants them or not). 20 men set fire to Stannis’ camp. Stannis sets fire to his daughter. Jaime meets with Doran Martell. Bronn meets Hotah’s fist. Jorah establishes himself as the premier spear thrower of the world. And Dany goes for her inaugural dragon ride.
Episode 609: Battle of the Bastards
Contents unknown. But wow at the potential.
If you are a longtime supporter of Ramsay getting a well-deserved grisly, horrible death, then you have ample reason to be looking forward to Sunday night. But what if he actually survives? What if this battle proves to be one more nail in the coffin in the death of House Stark?
All I’m really hoping for is a well-orchestrated, choreographed clash that leaves a man drooling on his couch at the conclusion. And with Sapochnik (Hardhome) at the helm, we all have reason to believe that this final Epic 9 will rank among the top of this coveted category.
If this is, in fact, the last of the Epic 9s, let’s make it count.
Rank away, kiddos! I’m interested to see the differing opinions. Or, share your Unsullied thoughts about the upcoming Battle.
Speculation welcome. Official preview thoughts welcome. LEAK SPOILERS UNWELCOME!
See you good-looking guys and gals Monday morning for the Bastard recap. Until then, be nice to each other, and may there always be peace in your realm. -Oz
Find Oz on Twitter.
**SPOILER NOTE: The Management of this fine site would like to remind you that spoilers (book or leak) are not allowed in Unsullied posts. This includes spoilers that may be covered by code or otherwise. Personally, I appreciate feedback from Sullied and Unsullied alike, so long as they do not include any type of hinting or conversation related to the written verse. However, spoiler coded comments do tend to lead to further Sullied conversation and for that reason, we ask that you please refrain from posting any SPOILERY content whatsoever in Unsullied posts. Thank you for the coop. -Oz